"The World" - according to America

It was Columbus Day on Monday, and the only reason I know this is because the bottle shop (or rather the "liquor store") was CLOSED.  The sign said "Closed for Columbus Day".

By way of background, all Utah "liquor stores" are owned by the State, which is, as we know, predominantly run by Mormons - who don't drink.  But it seems they still love making their money from people who do.  In fact, one of the largest shareholders of Coca-Cola is a Mormon, and Mormons are not meant to drink Coca-Cola because it contains caffeine - but do.  Which begs the question:  why don't they drink tea or coffee?  Oh yes, apparently hot drinks are bad for you.  I know - go figure.

But I digress.  The state owned liquor store near where I live was closed but there was a woman outside pressed against the wall smoking (yes, they smoke a lot here because ciggies are so cheap) who looked like she was hoping some alcohol would seep through the walls eventually.  So I asked "what's Columbus Day?", and she said: "I guess it's when Columbus discovered THE WORLD!".  Yes, "the WORLD"!


Have you ever noticed that Oprah often says: "It's the best in the World"?.  Now what she means is "it's the best in 'America''.  The "world news" in the Salt Lake City Tribune is about one column with small paragraphs about any country in which America is involved.  In fact, they are so short of news here, that last week, they had a whole two pages on the pros and cons of disposable diapers and cloth diapers. But again, the "news" will be another topic for discussion.

To emphasise my point about "the World" according to America, let me just mention that next weekend the playoffs for the "World" Series Baseball starts - and guess who turns up to play?  America!

So I would like to end with this little story:

Some time ago, a worldwide survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked was: "Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"

The survey was a huge failure.

In Africa, they didn't know what "food" meant.
In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant.
In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant.
In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant.
In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant.
In South America they didn't know what "please" meant.
And in the US, they didn't know what "the rest of the world"