A sticky situation

Thank God! The Nair finally arrived!  Oh, hang on a sec...before I continue, for all you men out there who are reading this, you can skip this post as it's all about "girly" stuff.

Okay, now I've got that (or rather "them") out of the way, we ladies can have a "gal" (as they say here) conversation.  And let's start with waxing.

Is there an Aussie girl who doesn't have a tub of Veet or Nair microwavable, water-soluble wax underneath her bathroom sink?  No, I didn't think so!  I have been using this product for years - bikini lines, underarms and any other areas where a hair might appear that shouldn't - not that I can see them these days without my glasses - a by-product of aging which I despise.

So, I arrive in the US a mere 6 weeks ago, and go to the supermarket to buy, amongst other things, some wax.  Shock, horror!  All they had was "Nads"!  Just the name alone conjures up images of a word pronounced the same, but spelled with a silent "g".  Anyway, as Nads was all they had apart from depilatory creams, I bought it.  For those of you who have never used Nads, it's strange because it's "cold" and "green".  Anyway, I dispensed with that because I couldn't work it out, and then continued my mission for Veet or Nair.  Actually, while I'm typing this, I'm thinking that Nair has kind of done a disappearing act in Australia and that Veet is the No.1 depilatory product.  Am I correct?

So, back to my mission.  I went to Walgreen's (like a Terry White, but not as nice), but no luck.  So, there's a place called "Got Beauty" down the road, and they have great girly stuff: make-up, accessories, skin care, hair care etc.  So I asked the girl if they had any home waxing kits.  "Yes", the lovely attendant said (and all shop attendants are lovely in the US - so far).  Eureka!  They have wax!  Anyway, the brand was not one I was at all familiar with, but bought it in any event.  I thought it was expensive compared to what we pay for our wax in Australia and was curious as to why the young lady serving me suggested I purchase a "pack" of wooden spatulas.  That, right there, should have been a clue.  But I said that two would be enough. Huh!

So, as soon as I got home, I started the waxing process.  Put the wax in the microwave, got the talc out, laid out the wax strips, dipped my spatula into the wax and spread it on to my underarm region; applied the wax strip and rip!  Done!  Oops, gosh, I got wax on the sink, oh damn!  And then spilled some wax on the lid.  "Never mind", I thought.  "I'll just rinse it under the tap".  Hang on, why can't I put my arm down without it sticking to the side of my body?  And why isn't the wax rinsing off under the tap?  And why is the wax stuck to the sink.  "For goodness sake!  What's happening?"  So, I flap out to the bedroom like a seagull with it's wings up (which my husband witnesses and looks at me strangely but doesn't comment) to get my glasses, so I can read the very tiny print on the back of the wax jar. Well, guess what?  The wax isn't water-soluble!  Can you believe that someone makes a home wax kit that is NOT water-soluble.  So, to make a long story longer, it took 5 minutes of scrubbing under my arms before I could relax my wings, and I'm still trying to get the wax off the sink - and that was 3 weeks' ago. 

After returning the wax to the store, I went online to get some "water-soluble" wax - the kind we have back home.  It appears that Veet US doesn't even sell wax unless it's in strips (which personally I think are useless), so I went to the Nair website and ordered a peach melon water-soluble microwavable wax!  That was on 5 October!  After two phone calls and two emails, it finally arrived today, obviously having made its way to me on a slow boat from China.  Actually, I've noticed that it is made in Spain, so it may have come from there.  But can you believe, a country as vast as the US doesn't sell water-soluble wax in stores here?  Now, I must state at this point, that I am in Utah, and perhaps in other States of the US, they have a little more variety.  But I would have thought that microwavable wax was as mandatory as tampons...which brings me to my next topic.

Now, guys, I did warn you at the beginning, so if you're still reading, feel free, but no screwing up your nose okay?

Ladies, here there is only one brand of tampons! I kid you not.  They have Tampax - you know the things with the applicators, but they scare me, so they're out.  Yes, one brand!  At this point, I don't know what else to say because I know you are all reading this blog in complete disbelief and your jaw has probably dropped down to your chest.

So, if you are moving to or visiting the US, please bring your own Veet, Libra...and Diflucan (just in case, because you can only get it with a script here).

And I know all the determined men who are still reading this blog are scratching their heads going "what the hell is Diflucan?"  Well, you don't need to know.

Over and out for now - gotta go and do  some waxing!

Agedashi Tofu

Almost everyone has heard about American food.  It's notorious!  It's up there with their coffee - downright awful!  Nothing you eat here seems to have any taste.  And what I can't understand is that their produce is excellent.  I just don't think Americans know what to do with this produce.  Because even though the Americans don't have the variety of meat we lucky Australians have - most noticeably absent being lamb (although there are stores that do have it - from Colorado), and veal, their pork, for instance, is fabulous, as generally is their steak.
 
As I am typing this and thinking about their produce, I must make special mention of their orange cheese - yes, orange cheese!  The Americans appear to be obsessed with it and it seems that every restaurant you go to has food smothered in it.  My husband used to love it until I pointed out that this tasteless orange cheese just had colouring in it, and introduced him to Havarti.  Thank God!

So, with the excellent produce, restaurants, particularly the chain restaurants - and there are a lot of  them in the US, seem intent on smothering or filling everything with cheese and, it seems, sugar.  Yes, the creamed butter they serve is sweet, as is the bread.  Which brings me to the serving sizes - they are BIG!  My Dad would love these chain restaurants (which, to be honest, are quite good if you want an inexpensive meal, good atmosphere, great service and a "to go" container that could feed you for the rest of the week), because when you order a "meal", you also get a salad, a soup, and unlimited soft drink.

How can restaurants afford this you may ask?  Meal, two sides, unlimited soft drink?  Well, it's easy.  Restaurants in the US have very little overheads.  They don't pay their staff, unless you call $2.30 per hour paying their staff; the customer does when they pay their bill and are expected to pay at least 20% tip.

So, on my first trip to Utah, my husband (then boyfriend) took me to his favourite Japanese restaurant.  I ordered an entree (here called "Appetizer") of Agedashi Tofu followed by a Nabeyaki Udon (udon noodle soup with chicken etc).

In Australia, when one orders Agedashi Tofu, one gets a little bowl containing about four dainty squares of tofu in a yummy sauce (not sure what it is exactly, but yummy).  So, imagine my shock and horror when a bowl, akin to the size of a salad bowl, arrived with enough tofu to feed a small army.  And you should have seen the size of these tofu squares!  So, I decided that I would eat a square and take home the rest.  Then arrived my soup - in a bucket!  So, at the end of the night, my husband and I went home armed with a week's worth of Agedashi Tofu and Nabeyaki Udon. No more cooking for me that week and what excellent value!

Having said all of the above, and so I can avoid any hate mail, I will conclude this post by saying that even though most "independent" restaurants here tend to Americanize their food (like onion rings with your chicken teriyaki), there are some good restaurants that serve excellent food.  I had a steak the other night that was fabulous, and the place I sometimes go for breakfast or lunch serves edible portions of tasty food.  But, if there are any chefs from Thailand reading this blog, please hurry over to Salt Lake City and open up a good Thai restaurant!  You are needed!

Appliances

This post will probably come as quite a shock to many of you reading it - especially if you live in Australia, NZ or England and have never been to the America.

Well, here's the shocker:  over here, in the US of A, they are still using kettles to heat up water! What's wrong with that you may ask?  Well, I'm not talking about the electric kettles that every house in the abovementioned (and most other countries) have, I'm talking about those things we used back before we had electric kettles - the ones that sit on the stove and make that whistling noise when the water is boiled - which depending on the stove can take anywhere between 7 and 15 minutes to boil.  No siree,  the Americans do not use electric kettles.  Having said that, they do sell a Breville and another brand I think at some homeware stores where they are neatly displayed in their boxes on the bottom shelves of the appliance department.  And if you mention electric kettles to Americans, they kinda look at you funny. 

In fact, before we were married, my husband was visiting Australia and one day made me a cup of tea (notice I said "one day" because making a cup of tea for most Americans is quite a challenge in itself) and he was so impressed by the electric kettle that he said: "I'm going to buy the company!" Well, he didn't actually, but he did say:  "when we get married, we MUST get one of these!". And while I can only imagine that the reason the electric kettle is not a mandatory item is because of their love for percolated coffee (and every American home has a percolator), I have noticed that on more and more American TV shows, they are drinking "tea", but still using the old kettles.

Now I  understand that most Americans love their coffee, but what really bothers me about the whole thing is that tourists are completely forgotten when they come to America.  As you know, in every hotel room in Australia, there is coffee and tea making facilities.  Every room has an electric kettle and a coffee plunger.  But not here.  If you want a cup of tea, you have to heat up the water in the microwave (if you're lucky, you'll get a china cup, but generally, you're given a paper one), and then they give you these ridiculous super skinny "sticks" or thin "straws" to somehow get your teabag out of the boiling water (which as I've discovered is a health hazard) and then use that same "stick" or "straw" to stir your sugar/milk etc.  Whoever invented those sticks and straws should be shot!  They are up there with those motorised leaf blowers in terms of uselessness and downright annoying.

Anyway, enough about kettles, because I can now talk about another strange American phenomenon: the upright vacuum cleaner.  Didn't we do away with them back in the 60s or 70s?  Well, they are alive and well in the US.  I know!!!  Can you imagine?  My husband has one, or rather had one, until I bought a Dyson.  Again, you can buy the normal vacuum cleaners, but they are few and far between compared with the choice of uprights. The thing about the uprights is that they are sooo heavy and difficult to negotiate.  How do you vacuum stairs with an upright?

And lastly, but not least - and this probably doesn't rate in the category of "appliance", but they don't sell GHDs here.  At this point, I've probably lost all you blokes, but every girl will be going "whaaaattttt???"  Because there isn't a girl in Australia who doesn't own a GHD.  Isn't that right girls?  And of course, we now have one better - the "Cloud 9" which I bought before I left Australia because I knew I wouldn't be able to get a GHD or Cloud 9 here.  They do have hair straighteners here, and they seem to favour one called a "Chi", but I've heard this is terrible for your hair.  If its anything like the Vidal Sassoon one I tried for a period of time, I can relate.  There is nothing quite like a GHD or Cloud 9 (except for the Stefan one which I think is as good).

So ladies, if you're planning a trip to the US and you love drinking your cup of tea in the morning with straight hair, I suggest you bring a travel kettle - and your GHD!

Where's the Creama?

As you know, Americans love their coffee and "creamer" is very popular here.  For those of you who, like me, are unaware of what "creamer" is, it is a kind of flavoured milk, of which there are various flavours such as Vanilla, Cinnamon and Hazelnut.  I did try the cinnamon once, but it is terribly sweet - so decided to stick with milk... or rather, soy milk. 

So one morning, as I was heading to the store, my husband (who loves his creamer) asked me to get him some.  The grocery store where I prefer to shop is Whole Foods - a fabulous national grocery store that stocks amazing and largely organic products, but while standing in front of their cold section, I was becoming increasingly aware that Whole Foods didn't stock his particular brand of creamer. 

At this point, I would like to mention that, in my opinion (and yes, it's only my opinion as pretty much everything in this blog is), Americans speak much much better than Australians.  They enunciate much clearer and speak slower than Australians and their grammar is definitely more correct (except when they slip into the double negative territory such as "I don't know nothin').  For instance, you'll never hear an American say "How you'se doin'?" or "Do you wanna come to me house and have dinna?" or "I was sitting at the bar when this shiela come over and I knew she fancied me 'cos she told me to piss off when I told her she had great tits."

Anyway, so there I was standing in front of the cold section at Whole Foods looking for the Cinnamon creamer which eluded me.  So I asked the lady who was stocking the shelves:  "Excuse me, do you have any creama?"  She looked at me quizzically and said;  "Whaaaat?"  And I replied:  "Creama!" to which she said "I'm sorry, I don't understand what you want".  I said:  "Creama - you know the flavoured stuff you put in your coffee", and she said: "Oh!!! You mean "Creamerrrrrr!"  Yes!!!! 

So, here's the tip, for those Aussies coming to the US, just remember that if you name is Peter (Peta), or you have a Twitta account, or you're looking for Creama - don't forget those "r's".

The "World" - according to America (contd)

As if just to prove my point from earlier posted blog - this was the front page of the Salt Lake City Tribune today.  It says:  "WORLD >>'Sundance Kid' made knight in Legion of Honor">  The ceremony was held in France.

"The World" - according to America

It was Columbus Day on Monday, and the only reason I know this is because the bottle shop (or rather the "liquor store") was CLOSED.  The sign said "Closed for Columbus Day".

By way of background, all Utah "liquor stores" are owned by the State, which is, as we know, predominantly run by Mormons - who don't drink.  But it seems they still love making their money from people who do.  In fact, one of the largest shareholders of Coca-Cola is a Mormon, and Mormons are not meant to drink Coca-Cola because it contains caffeine - but do.  Which begs the question:  why don't they drink tea or coffee?  Oh yes, apparently hot drinks are bad for you.  I know - go figure.

But I digress.  The state owned liquor store near where I live was closed but there was a woman outside pressed against the wall smoking (yes, they smoke a lot here because ciggies are so cheap) who looked like she was hoping some alcohol would seep through the walls eventually.  So I asked "what's Columbus Day?", and she said: "I guess it's when Columbus discovered THE WORLD!".  Yes, "the WORLD"!


Have you ever noticed that Oprah often says: "It's the best in the World"?.  Now what she means is "it's the best in 'America''.  The "world news" in the Salt Lake City Tribune is about one column with small paragraphs about any country in which America is involved.  In fact, they are so short of news here, that last week, they had a whole two pages on the pros and cons of disposable diapers and cloth diapers. But again, the "news" will be another topic for discussion.

To emphasise my point about "the World" according to America, let me just mention that next weekend the playoffs for the "World" Series Baseball starts - and guess who turns up to play?  America!

So I would like to end with this little story:

Some time ago, a worldwide survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked was: "Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"

The survey was a huge failure.

In Africa, they didn't know what "food" meant.
In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant.
In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant.
In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant.
In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant.
In South America they didn't know what "please" meant.
And in the US, they didn't know what "the rest of the world" 

A Flat White pleeeese!

Now anyone who knows me will attest to the fact that I am very high maintenance when it comes to coffee, and if anyone is reading this who has at one time served me a coffee, they will know who I am.  I am the "half-strength soy flat white with no froth and hot" girl.

One of my dearest friends, LA, loves telling people that she has never been with me when I haven't returned a coffee.  This, of course, is an over-exaggeration as there are certain cafes in Brisbane that have their own "button" for me and I don't even need to tell them what I want.  In fact, there are cafes that I haven't been to in months and the waiter will still remember what I ordered from the last time I visited.

So, you can imagine the shock and horror of arriving in a country where everyone, except the Americans, knows that American coffee is just dreadful.  I mean "yuck".  They, including my husband (and his name is Brian so I don't have to keep calling him "my husband" which I think all newlyweds love to do - does this last?), drink this stuff that I think they only serve in McDonalds in Australia.  It's percolated coffee and you see Americans drinking it often on their TV shows.  This coffee can sit in its pot all day and they just pour it in a cup and drink it.  The subject of "creamer" will be another topic of discussion at a later date.

However, the Americans do make espresso coffee and they have lattes (a lot), mochas (which I discovered today they pronounce mow-caz as in "mowing" the lawn) and a few other variations.  BUT they do not know what a Flat White is.  So..this is how it goes for me:

"May I please have a single shot espresso, in a cup, with hot steamed soy to the top with no foam?".  Bless them, but by the end of that spiel, they sometimes forget the "no foam" part, so, yes, it has to go back.  However, I am much more tolerant here than I was back home.  I think I have learned not to expect much when it comes to coffee and food (again, another topic for another day).  Or maybe moving to America is one big exercise in teaching me tolerance.

The other day, I went into Barnes and Noble - the bookstore, and they have this great little coffee area where you can sit and read any of their books, but the coffee they serve is "Starbucks".  Yes, I know, I know.  You can see where this is leading right?  Anyway, I went through the spiel, took a sip of my coffee and if anyone had seen me at this point they were probably wondering what had happened to make my face contort in the manner it did.  Truly, this coffee reminded me of the one I had once attempted to drink in New York.  It was burnt, bitter, soooo hot (probably why it was burnt) and they use this vanilla soy milk which makes the coffee sickly sweet.  So, I went up to the counter and said: "I'm sorry, I can't drink this as it is burnt and tastes awful".  The lovely girl who had made the coffee offered to make me another.  I did consider rejecting this offer, but was dying for a coffee, so said "ok".  It wasn't as hot, but just as bad.  So, I left it on the counter saying "So sorry, I still can't drink this but it's not you, it's just terrible coffee!" 

Okay, now for the positive news.  I actually found a great cafe that makes fabulous coffee. It's called "Finn's" and they use Levazza coffee,  While I still haven't worked out how to order the coffee in a neat and concise manner, I'm hoping they go: "Oh, it's her again" and either assign me my own "button" or just know what I want.  This cafe also makes great breakfasts and they make their own breads and pastries. I believe it's owned by a Norwegian.  So...I am once again, a happy girl.  Now I just have to work out how to get the cup served on a saucer!

An Introduction

On 2 September 2010, I married an American and am now living in Salt Lake City, Utah.   I am a Brisbane girl (Australia) and my family live on the Gold Coast.  I have two brothers, two lovely sisters-in-law and six gorgeous nephews and nieces.

Welcome to my blog!  The reason I decided to write a blog is that I lie in bed at night thinking of all these funny things I'd love to share about America and Americans and hope that some others (probably NOT Americans) out there will be able to relate.  It also might give some insight as to what other Aussie girls can expect if they marry an American and move to the US.

Let me state at the outset:

1. I will be using the English way of spelling - not the American, as I want to hold on to some things that I consider sacred, such as my accent;
2. that this blog is not designed to criticise Americans or America.  I think America is a wonderful country and the people are lovely and incredibly courteous and that we, as Australians, could probably learn something from their customer service; and
3. not all Americans are what we see on TV. They say there are Californians and then there are Americans.

So, having said all that, I'm sure I will still be receiving comments that are not so complimentary, but please know, I am a peaceful person and am writing this blog with love.

So let's go....